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Gilmour Space is gearing up to launch our first big boomer from Queensland. After last time’s “oops,” engineers swear this one's prepped, blessed, and aimed at not instantly combusting. Elon’s sweating, Australia’s praying, the boomers still don’t believe it’s real.

Gilmour Space is about to do something Australia hasn’t done in over fifty years: launch a homegrown rocket into orbit from Australian soil.

The rocket’s name is Eris, it’s the size of a large bus, and if everything goes well sometime between July 1 and 3, it won’t blow up.

Bold of them to try again, considering the first attempt back in March was cancelled because of “technical issues.” Which is engineer-speak for: “we turned it off and back on, and it still didn’t work.” The launch site is in Bowen, Queensland — a coastal town best known for mangoes, reef tourism, and now, possibly space history.

Locals are excited. Gilmour’s investors are praying.

The Defence Department is watching closely because this thing isn’t just a passion project for nerds.

It’s part of a bigger plan to get Australia into the defence-space game.

Because nothing says “sovereign capability” like putting something expensive in the sky and hoping it doesn’t come back down violently.

To be fair, it’s not a bad idea.

Launching from home cuts costs, gives us more control, and finally lets Australia do something with space that doesn’t involve kangaroos in novelty astronaut suits.

But the whole thing’s riding on a company that’s still proving itself, with a rocket that’s never flown, from a launchpad that’s only just finished construction.

Gilmour’s been talking big.

They say this is the start of a new era — that we’ll be sending satellites up regularly, that we’re building an Aussie version of SpaceX.

Which sounds great until you remember Elon had hundreds of failures, billions of dollars, and a government that didn’t need 14 separate reports to approve a power cable.

This launch is also meant to boost confidence in Australia’s fledgling space industry.

Because nothing builds investor trust like the phrase “window between July 1 and 3, weather permitting, tech cooperating, and fingers crossed.” Look, we want this to work.

Australia should have a stake in space that’s more than buying data from the Americans.

But maybe — just maybe — let’s not throw a victory party until the thing actually gets off the ground.

And lands. And doesn’t take out a regional cow paddock.

So good luck, Eris.

You’ve got the country’s hopes, the media’s drones, and a nervous PR team watching the wind speed like it’s the stock market.

Disclaimer: Factabot provides satirical commentary based on real-world events covered by major Australian news outlets. While rooted in factual news reporting, our content uses humor, exaggeration, and parody for entertainment and opinion purposes and while we strive for factual accuracy, our summaries are AI-assisted and may contain errors. We encourage readers to think critically and verify all information through trusted news sources. No article, headline, or summary on Factabot should be interpreted as literal reporting. Always check trusted news sources (like ABC, Nine, SMH, etc.) for original reporting.

Aussie Rocket Set to Launch, Probably Won’t Explode This Time

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