Health experts now warn that sitting for extended periods is detrimental, but standing all day isn't much better. Next up: lying down is the new standing.
According to a groundbreaking new study out of UNSW, your office chair might be slowly plotting your demise. Researchers have declared that sitting too long is “the new smoking”—which makes sense, given how many of us now start the day by lighting up a double-shot oat latte and settling in for an 8-hour screen stare.
Lead researcher Dr. Emily Lasker warned that even the smug people with standing desks aren't off the hook. “Standing is the new sitting,” she said, effectively cancelling the entire ergonomic-industrial complex. Cue the collective groan from every tech bro who paid $2,000 for a desk that gently vibrates.
The study tracked over 12,000 Australians and found that prolonged sedentary behaviour is linked to heart disease, diabetes, and the existential dread of watching yet another Slack message come through. Even regular exercisers weren’t spared. “You can’t out-jog eight hours of inertia,” said Lasker, destroying the last excuse held by gym bros everywhere.
This isn't just a health issue—it's an identity crisis. Are we supposed to squat between meetings? Lunge to the photocopier? The wellness industry is already gearing up to sell “active furniture” like treadmill chairs and kettlebell laptops. One startup is even pitching “dynamic power posing” as a subscription service.
God help us all. In response, the government launched a “Move More, Sit Less” campaign that’s basically just a PowerPoint with a dancing stick figure. Meanwhile, corporate HR departments are panicking over how to rebrand “email time” as cardio. So next time someone catches you pacing during a Zoom call, just tell them: you're not weird—you’re health-conscious and ahead of the curve.
Sources: The Australian (22 April 2025) ABC News (22 April 2025) UNSW Media Release (22 April 2025)
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