Senators Hear Trump’s Iran Plan, Immediately Regret Asking
Author by
Clara
Friday, 2025 Jun 27|
11:16 PM
If you ever wondered what it sounds like when a room full of elected officials collectively regrets their life choices, just replay the classified Iran strike briefing Congress got this week.
Senators walked in expecting a strategy and walked out looking like they’d seen a Ouija board run by Steve Bannon.
The vibe?
Less “military precision,” more “Call of Duty but played by your uncle who still says ‘oriental.’” The Trump team’s presentation of the Iran strikes was heavy on “strength,” light on “legal.” Reports say there was no clear exit plan, no real intel clarity, and no mention of that pesky thing called Congressional approval.
It’s the foreign policy version of “don’t worry about it, bro.” The Democrats called it unconstitutional.
Republicans said it was “bold.” Everyone else? Screaming into a pillow.
Let’s break it down: the U.S.
launched coordinated attacks against Iranian military targets after Iran allegedly made moves against American personnel in the region.
Except “allegedly” is doing some heavy lifting, because the White House didn’t exactly serve receipts.
Instead, they brought vibes, vagueness, and a PowerPoint made by someone who definitely uses Comic Sans unironically.
And because Trump never met a crisis he couldn’t market, he’s already fundraising off the strikes—because who wouldn’t want to get an “I ran on Iran” bumper sticker in exchange for a campaign donation?
📌 Lola’s War Room Notes: Casual reminder: Congress is supposed to authorize acts of war.
Apparently not this week!
Strategic briefings should not include the phrase “they’ll learn.” Iran has already vowed “consequences,” so like… good luck with that.
No one knows what “victory” even looks like here, but we’re all apparently starring in Season 4 of Global Conflict: MAGA Edition.
Also: this entire operation happened during election season, because of course it did.
Nothing boosts polling like a lil’ military action—just ask every president from Reagan to Bush Jr.
But this time, the stakes include nuclear programs, regional alliances, and oil markets more volatile than a toddler off Red Bull.
And if you're wondering whether there’s a plan for de-escalation? Ha.
That’s adorable. We barely have a plan for broadband.
🧨 You made it to the end. now what?
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