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Trump Tanks Economy, Blames Biden, God, and Gravity

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The U.S. economy just shrank 0.3% in Trump’s first quarter back on the throne, and guess who’s getting fingered for it? Not the guy who set off a tariff grenade?

Donald Trump just celebrated his return to the Oval Office by doing what he does best: breaking the economy and blaming someone else.

In Q1 of 2025, the U.S.

economy shrank 0.3%, and instead of even pretending to own it, Trump pointed fingers like he’s playing fiscal Twister—left hand on Biden, right foot on the Fed, head somewhere near Jupiter.

The man dropped tariffs on half the planet, spooked the markets like a haunted house DJ, and still had the audacity to say “This was all Joe’s fault.” If deflection were a currency, America would be in a surplus.

But alas, the actual dollar is doing the fiscal equivalent of slow crying in the shower.

Congress, meanwhile, tried to intervene, but the Senate—now starring a cast of MAGA diehards, Twitter reply guys, and lobbyist lapdogs—shrugged and called it “economic realignment.” Translation: chaos is fine as long as it owns the libs.

The Biden administration’s warnings fell on ears too busy listening to Truth Social voice memos.

Let’s be clear: the recession isn’t just about bad policy—it’s about vibes-based governance replacing actual expertise.

The White House now runs like a group chat with no moderators and three guys arguing about gold bars and GameStop.

Trump claims the economy’s “just recalibrating.” Economists call it “steering off a cliff with no hands.” As of today, inflation’s twitching, Wall Street’s in therapy, and Trump is back on the rally stage saying the downturn is “what winning looks like.” He’s also promised more tariffs, more “accountability,” and possibly replacing the Treasury Secretary with a Fox News anchor.

2025’s new motto? “Recession, but make it patriotic.” Sources: The Guardian, CNN, Bloomberg, NPR (01/05/2025)

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