US Hospitals Brace For Missile-Sized ER Bills
Author by
Phor
Tuesday, 2025 Jun 24|
03:20 PM
War might be hell, but in America, it’s also a revenue stream.
As tensions escalate in the Middle East, U.S.
hospitals aren’t just preparing for wounded troops—they’re prepping their billing departments for combat.
Because if a missile lands, the only thing landing harder will be your hospital invoice.
Military medics are stocking up.
Civilian hospitals near major bases and urban centers are on alert.
But the real scramble isn’t over triage strategy—it’s which insurer codes to use for “explosion-related trauma not otherwise specified.” Behind every stretcher is an admin calculating how to charge $1,200 for a saline drip and $600 for “miscellaneous gauze interaction.” According to Defense Health Agency memos, the Pentagon expects “surge contingencies” for both military personnel and potential domestic terror threats.
Translation: they think America might get caught in the blowback, and they’d rather have beds than be caught with their scrubs down.
Some trauma centers in New York, California, and Florida have already conducted drills.
The Department of Veterans Affairs has even floated emergency billing coordination with private hospitals, which is bureaucratic code for “get ready to lose paperwork mid-surgery.” And let’s be clear—none of this is about readiness, it’s about revenue.
Healthcare CEOs are already on CNBC with words like “deployment surge” and “contract opportunities.” Lockheed builds the missiles, but UnitedHealth codes the recovery.
Meanwhile, ordinary Americans are doomscrolling while checking their deductibles.
Spoiler: your Bronze plan does not cover wartime fallout.
If you’re lucky, you’ll get an ambulance ride before the price of gauze surpasses Bitcoin.
If you’re not, good luck arguing your “acts of war” clause when your ER visit gets rejected for “out-of-network artillery.” While politicians shout “support the troops,” the system prepares to treat them like bonus points on a quarterly report.
The last time America ramped up to this level of medical-military crossover was post-9/11, and let’s just say it didn’t end in universal healthcare.
So if a missile hits—or even if it doesn’t—prepare to pay.
War might break bones, but American hospitals break bank accounts.
🧨 You made it to the end. now what?
Like that roast? Don't keep it to yourself.
Don't Miss the Next Meltdown
Subscribe if you enjoy rage, sarcasm, and the sound of democracy wheezing.
Hit me again (surprise me)“🚨 Daily Roast Drops – Subscribe Now”
other stories Phor's raging at:
News - Entertainment
Julian McMahon Dies—Millennials Cry in Charmed Rewatch
News - Lifestyle
Greens Say Stop Selling Sugar to Kids, Capitalism Screams ‘Boo!’
News - Uncategorized
