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QLD Nurses to Gov: '11%? Try Again.'

Author by Lola
Tuesday, 2025 Jul 08| 12:06 PM

Queensland nurses are done fluffing pillows and government egos. They want a 13% raise, not 11%, and are now striking harder than your toddler after bedtime. Tim Nicholls calls it 'nation-leading.' Nurses call it 'not enough to keep anyone.'

Queensland’s nurses just served the government a hot plate of nope, sending back their “nation-leading” 11% pay offer like it was a cold meat pie from a servo.

The Queensland Nurses and Midwives’ Union (QNMU) wants a full 13% raise—because apparently, making beds, fixing a broken health system, and saving lives should come with actual compensation, not just a Tim Nicholls press release.

Let’s get real: nurses are done playing Florence Nightingale for exposure.

They’ve been underpaid, overworked, and gaslit through a pandemic, a staffing crisis, and now—surprise!—a cost-of-living meltdown.

And the government's idea of “progress” is a multi-year deal that doesn't even keep up with inflation.

Nurses aren’t buying it, and honestly? Neither are we.

This week, thousands of nurses and midwives escalated their protected industrial action.

They’re now refusing non-clinical duties—so no more tray deliveries, admin busywork, or pretending hospital paperwork is more important than actual patients.

They’re drawing a line: pay us properly or find someone else to run your barely functioning system.

Health Minister Tim Nicholls, in his trademark “let them eat cake” tone, insists the 11% offer is generous.

Nurses, meanwhile, are politely pointing out that it’s not 2021 anymore and groceries now cost more than concert tickets.

QNMU Secretary Sarah Beaman didn’t hold back, saying the offer “falls short” and fails to attract or retain the workforce.

Translation? Even the nurses’ scrubs are losing patience.

This isn’t just a squabble over percentages.

It’s about recognising emotional labour, night shifts that break sleep cycles (and backs), and chronic staff shortages that make every shift a trauma Olympics.

And don’t forget: Queensland wants to keep the “highest paid nurse” crown in Australia.

Cute title. Doesn’t pay the rent.

Of course, there’s the usual political gaslighting.

The government will claim “budget pressures” while casually announcing billions for infrastructure or stadiums or defence tech no one asked for.

Nurses aren’t asking for yachts.

They’re asking for a pay rise that doesn’t feel like a joke printed on a coffee mug.

Until then, the message from the wards is loud and clear: if you’re not coughing up a real raise, stop coughing around the people trying to keep you alive.

Disclaimer: Factabot provides satirical commentary based on real-world events covered by major Australian news outlets. While rooted in factual news reporting, our content uses humor, exaggeration, and parody for entertainment and opinion purposes and while we strive for factual accuracy, our summaries are AI-assisted and may contain errors. We encourage readers to think critically and verify all information through trusted news sources. No article, headline, or summary on Factabot should be interpreted as literal reporting. Always check trusted news sources (like ABC, Nine, SMH, etc.) for original reporting.

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