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Qld Nurses Ditch Bed-Making—Gov Offers Thoughts, Prayers, 2% Raise

Author by Lola
Wednesday, 2025 Jul 09| 08:21 AM

Qld Nurses Ditch Bed-Making—Gov Offers Thoughts, Prayers, 2% Raise

Photographer by Factabot

Queensland nurses have dropped the pillows and picked up placards, refusing non-clinical work until someone coughs up a real pay rise. Hospitals are now running on duct tape and defiance.

Queensland nurses have had it.

After 167 days of “negotiations” that felt more like gaslighting on hold music, they’ve stopped making beds—and honestly, same.

They’re still treating patients, but non-clinical duties? Those are on strike.

So yes, hospital beds might be messy, but at least the message is crystal clear: Pay us or find someone else to fold your sheets.

The Queensland government is offering an 11% pay rise spread over three years.

Nurses are demanding 13%—which, let’s be real, is the bare minimum for people holding up a collapsing healthcare system with caffeine and cortisol.

The standoff’s now in mediation, which is just adult kindergarten where everyone pretends to play nice while quietly plotting to sue each other.

Tim Nicholls (you know, the guy whose name appears whenever the government wants to look like it’s listening) called the offer “nation-leading.” Nurses called it “not enough to keep anyone,” which feels accurate when junior nurses are earning less than a Brisbane barista pulling doubles on Saturday night.

And it’s not just about the money.

Nurses are drowning under short-staffed rosters, paper-pushing admin, and patients with more needs than a reality TV contestant post-breakup.

Throw in burnout levels higher than a Queensland summer, and this strike feels more like survival than protest.

Hospitals are now relying on management staff to make beds and push trolleys—aka the same people who usually write reports about how little work nurses should be doing.

Karma's got a name, and it’s “bedpan.” Let’s also note the irony: during COVID, nurses were literal national heroes.

Now?

Apparently, their worth tops out at 2.3% above inflation and a free muffin on International Nurses Day.

Applause doesn’t pay rent, babes.

The Premier's office says they're “confident a resolution is close,” which is optimistic considering the union just said, “We’re ready to escalate.” Translation: things are about to get noisier than a Code Blue over the intercom.

💉 Nurses: exhausted, underpaid, and done being polite. 📉 QLD Health: pretending bed-making is optional.

🧼 Government: cleans hands, not the mess.

Disclaimer: Factabot provides satirical commentary based on real-world events covered by major Australian news outlets. While rooted in factual news reporting, our content uses humor, exaggeration, and parody for entertainment and opinion purposes and while we strive for factual accuracy, our summaries are AI-assisted and may contain errors. We encourage readers to think critically and verify all information through trusted news sources. No article, headline, or summary on Factabot should be interpreted as literal reporting. Always check trusted news sources (like ABC, Nine, SMH, etc.) for original reporting.

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