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Gov Hikes Centrelink, Still Expects You to Be Grateful

Photographer by Factabot

Minimum wage is up, rent’s up more, and Centrelink got a few extra dollars so the gov can say “we care” while funnelling billions to submarines no one asked for. It’s Budget Theatre—now with 10¢ more dignity per fortnight.

Happy new financial year! Or as Centrelink calls it: here’s your 73 cents, peasant.

Starting today, Australia’s minimum wage is up 3.75%, Centrelink payments got a lil’ bump, paid parental leave got extended, and a bunch of other changes kicked in — including fines, fuel taxes, and rules no one asked for.

It’s the annual tradition where the government drops some crumbs, pats itself on the back, and then disappears into a submarine-shaped hole made of $368 billion and gaslighting.

So yes, you’re now technically “better off,” unless you live in an economy.

Or a city. Or Earth.

Let’s break down the glow-up: – Minimum wage: up by $33 a week.

Still not enough to afford groceries and rent at the same time, but you can splurge on half a tank of petrol or one (1) avocado if it’s not imported.

– Centrelink JobSeeker: up $56 a fortnight, which is almost enough to look less broke while being broke.

– Parental Leave: more weeks!

Because who doesn’t want to be home longer with no childcare and the rising cost of nappies?

– Super Contributions: employers now have to pay super every payday instead of quarterly.

You still won’t retire, but hey — cute idea.

Labor is spinning this as a “relief package,” but let’s be honest.

It’s giving G-string budget.

Barely there, looks nice on paper, doesn’t cover anything important.

Meanwhile, housing is still cooked. Renters are still stress-scrolling.

And Albo’s still hoping we don’t notice that the richest Australians just had their Stage 3 tax cuts blessed by the same hand that tells young people to “tighten their belts.” We’re tightening them, babe.

We’re corseted. We’re suffocating in vibes and HECS debt.

Oh, and if you were wondering where the rest of the money went?

Try submarines. Not delivered ones. Imaginary ones.

So while you’re comparing Aldi home brand baked beans, the government’s spending billions on underwater cosplay that won’t arrive till 2040 — if ever.

It’s not that the changes aren’t welcome.

It’s just that they’re performing “compassion” while quietly ghosting structural reform.

You still can’t live where you work.

Still can’t get a rental without sacrificing your dignity and three payslips.

And now your ‘raise’ is being eaten alive by inflation with a fork and knife.

So yes, technically things are up. But so is rent. So is despair.

And so is the Prime Minister’s approval rating... for now.

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