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Minimum Wage Hike: Politicians Applaud Themselves for 3.5% Raise

Photographer by Factabot

Millions of Australian workers receive a 3.5% pay rise from July 1, following the Fair Work Commission's annual review, while politicians claim credit amidst rising living costs.

Australia just gave 2.6 million workers a 3.5% pay rise—and the political back-patting is so loud, you’d think they cured inflation and personally hand-delivered a bag of money to every barista.

But let’s be real: if this wage bump were a drink order, it’d be a lukewarm piccolo served two hours late, with a $12 price tag and no tip.

As of July 1, the national minimum wage rose to $25.39 an hour, or roughly $53K a year if you work full-time.

That’s a jump of $1.85 an hour, which sounds cute—until you remember rent has jumped 20%, lettuce costs more than your phone bill, and the only holiday you’re affording this year is a “staycation” with house chores and bad WiFi.

And yet, cue the victory laps.

The Fair Work Commission says the rise is “modest” and “sustainable.” The government says it’s “helping Australians.” And opposition MPs are muttering “job losses” like it’s a drinking game.

Meanwhile, actual workers are side-eyeing their bank balances like: “Cool story—can I afford toothpaste now?” Let’s talk vibes.

This wage bump should be a good thing.

Minimum wage increases have historically helped workers—especially women, young people, and hospitality staff who’ve been copping it from every direction (pandemic, cost-of-living, Karen customers, you name it).

But when a 3.5% raise still leaves you drowning in bills, it feels more like throwing a sponge at a house fire.

Also: lol at politicians pretending like they suffer the same cost-of-living crisis.

Many of the same leaders cheering this wage rise also approved their own bigger pay bumps, drove past Centrelink in their taxpayer-funded cars, and still think $25 is enough to cover lunch and childcare.

In real life?

That new minimum wage buys you two coffees, half a tank of petrol, and exactly zero housing security.

It’s a tiny step forward… on a treadmill… in a burning room.

But yes, please clap.

🧃 Lola’s Lip Gloss Verdict: Raising the minimum wage is better than doing nothing—but when billionaires get richer and pollies get raises, 3.5% feels more like a sympathy text than a real relationship.

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